Log in

No account? Create an account
Who wants a goddamn waffle with "Bam!" on it? [entries|friends|calendar]
Anti-Emeril Lagasse

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(Happy, Happy)

[23 Jul 2007|06:59pm]

oh god i can't stand him.
this was spotted at a food show recently where a company is using him as a mascot of sorts, a spokesewok of sorts.
i guess in most of the country, this sells up there with wolfgang puke canned soup.

([2] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

Reasons why this newbie DESPISES Emeril [22 Nov 2006|11:08pm]
So great to know about this community. I have needed you all for years. I thought maybe I was the only one who regurgitates at the sight of him. I have an anxiety attack racing to the remote in order to change the channel when I see him on FN. In fact, I will never watch him again because: His grating, godawful accent as in "gahlic", his repetitive godawful comments: "Oh Yeah, Babe" AHHHHG; "Just a 'luttle'(he means, "little") of some ingredient; "And then I like"; smarmy smile before he says "Hulda (or maybe it's Hilda, who seems to be his mother. I can't understand that horrible accent)loves this one"; "Bam" at the top of his lungs. His repetitive and repulsive gestures: throwing that white towel over his shoulders; rubbing his fatass hands together; hanging his no-neck head over the food making him look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame; his waiting for the applause ( I also loathe every idiot in his audience). Someone told me that he has been married a lot and that he is shy in real life. Who would marry that irritating, annoying piece of s...? It's been a while since I have watched him so I might have left something out. I'll be back if I think of anything else. I wish he would just go away for good from TV.

(Happy, Happy)

thank you [26 Sep 2006|10:26pm]

[ mood | cheerful ]

Newbie here and I just have to say who says " ... and you add the _____ like such" .... that irritates me to the core of my VERY being. If that guy says "BAM" one more time I'll do that over his head!! </rant>

I'm so glad this community exists *hugs community*

([7] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

absolute love [17 Jan 2006|12:08pm]

I hate re-hashing the same "o hay i found this community i hate emeril argh" post, but what else do I have to say?

My husband and I hate him. He has a knack for coming on when we want to eat dinner and watch TV. He also has a knack for being a tool.

I have to agree with a few other people here: he is a total retard when he has to actually explain things. I think it was during the whole holiday cook special thing that he just had no clue what he was talking about, but I could be wrong. "We took this... this... mushroom, this... exotic mushroom, and it really just, it just, it, the mushroom makes this dish so flavorful, the exotic mushroom does." ARHGAGKLAGJ.

But I absolutely must disagree with the Rachael Ray hate. I mean, make your own community for that. Boohiss! Hooray Rachael.

Alton Brown on the other hand... ♥ <3 ♥ <3 ♥ <3

([1] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

hello! [07 Jan 2006|11:51am]

I am SO GLAD somebody out there made this community.
I'm a huge Food Network fan, but as soon as Emeril comes on, I get the heck out of the room. He's nothing but an absolute tool. I've seen specials with him outside the kitchen talking to kids and stuff, and he has no idea what to say or do. And the catchphrases--yeah, don't get me started.
My mom works in foodservice and she loves the show to death. She thinks it makes cooking more accessible to normal people, since chefs are usually so high-and-mighty about their art. As if "If it's dry, add something wet to it" is great cooking wisdom.
Okay, ranting aside... I'm glad there are people out there who feel like I do. ^^
Oh, and one more thing... Alton Brown is totally my hero.

([1] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

I've found a home [14 Dec 2005|06:05pm]

[ mood | enraged ]

Hi everyone-
I can't believe this group exists, but thank god it does. I agree w/ a previous post that "essence" is ok, but this man has to be stopped. I'm so sick of seeing open mouthed breathers barking like seals every time "gahlic" is BAMMED onto some helpless food. And don't get me started on that g'damned powder sugar shaker on the deserts. What a train wreck.

(Happy, Happy)

[14 Dec 2005|01:01am]

This is just too good. I used to like The Essence of Emeril, when Food Network was but a fledgling cable channel, and I was young and foolish. Then came Emeril Live, and Emeril's overuse of the same three catch-phrases made him the bane of my existence. I'm sorry, but everybody and their Uncle Bob uses garlic when they cook. It's just not that exciting. There is no need to applaud like he's doing something really daring. I'm so glad I gound this community, thank you for creating it.

([5] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

[14 Nov 2005|01:13pm]

I'm glad I found this place. ♥

I often watch Food Network with my mom, and she doesn't really understand why I make a mad grab for the remote each time I see this man. I don't understand why she doesn't understand.

Needless to say, I don't like Emeril. But I DO like Elzar (his parody on Futurama).
I think that if I were to ever see him, I'd like to get all up in his face and say, "I 'BAM'ED YOUR MOM LAST NIGHT!!" but I guess that wouldn't really turn out well since I'm not so intimidating. And I don't think I want to be "bam"ing anyone related to him, anyway.

([1] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

Good day! [05 Nov 2005|09:28am]

Hello fellow Emeril haters! I am new to this community and thank goodness for it.

You see, I used to like Emeril, for some reason or another. I used to watch Emeril Live all of the time, but then the better judgement in me came along and I began to hate it.

He is such a whore for claps. It really gets annoying that he "bams!" everything, even when it's not needed. Once he made waffles and it looked like it was just a pile of coke because he couldn't control his powered sugar bammage. And kicking everything up a notch by adding so much garlic. Really, I feel bad for the guests of the show who actually have to eat that crap. The people in the audience should be thankful they're not eating it, not the other way around. "A half teaspoon? Nah, let's kick it up a notch and add the whole frikkin' bottle!" Really, and I wouldn't advise the guests to go driving after drinking an alcoholic beverage made by him because they would be wasted to death. And then you see fat children and adults alike staring in awe at Emeril as he adds three sticks of butter to something and claims that it feeds 70 people, when in reality it feeds less than three. Co

And the bastard has a dirty mind, too. Once when he was using the blender, the rubber ring came out and he said "Hmmm, who would expect to find a rubber in here?" Children are her Emeril. And then on almost every episode he says something suggestive, and then he says "We won't go there, this is a family show." Aah, yah babe, Emeril's a perv. Happy happy.

And the Essence of Emeril is just plain sucky and boring.

And his children's cook book takes 3 hours plus clean up to make one meal. The cinnamon rolls take a frikkin' day.

And my 8th grade English teacher made references to Emeril on the daily. He would always say "Kick it up a notch!" and "bam!" at the most random times in the most annoying, booming voice. And he would always hum that annoying, whiny way that Emeril does and he thought he was funny. Some people laughed, and I was very mad that they encouraged him. He did this every single day of school last year and it was the most frikkin' obnoxious thing in the world! That was the last straw that led to my hating of Emeril. I hated that teacher, and him mimmicking Emeril was no help.

Thank you for allwoing me to vent. This is a great community.

([4] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

[20 Oct 2005|02:21am]

Alton just took a jab at Emeril on his meatball show!

That made me happy.

([10] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

[13 Oct 2005|11:57pm]


([2] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

Hooray! [10 Oct 2005|01:07pm]

[ mood | amused ]

Finally, a place where I can vent my issues about this Cajun New Yorker! How can you be famous for creating lazy dishes with expensive ingredients? Seriously, if I decided to take a catch phrase from a cartoon character and throw some stuff together, I too will be a famous chef!


How's that for a toothpaste commercial?

(Happy, Happy)

[05 Oct 2005|11:55pm]

Apparently the son of a bitch is a cigar coinniesseur(spelling sucks, oh well) too. Yep! Dan dirty old man had his face and a cigar plastered all over some smoking magazine.

Talk about gross.

(Happy, Happy)

[05 Oct 2005|09:00pm]

Is Emeril's stupid head welded in place to his overstuffed body like a cheap ass action figure, because I swear the thing never moves from side-to-side. He's like the friggin troll that lives under the bridge. God DAMN.

([2] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

Hello? Am I Home? This can't be real...... [05 Oct 2005|05:35pm]

OMG! I can't believe this place exists! In my obsessive-freakish Alton devotion of late, in utter boredom I searched for 'alton brown' interested-folk on livejournal...little did I know that other Alton cultists also felt Emeril was the culinary Anti-Christ....

I actually have been off cable for years, and just had no interest in the Food Channel, because whenever I tuned onto the thing while house-sitting, there was a super-smarmy bastard masquerading his infomercial for the ubiquitous 'essence' as a cooking show....when I finally got my Direct TV--I found it was even worse, he'd gotten groupies and a live band. Luckily, I was flipping and caught Alton finishing up a braised rib recipe....I searched out his show, and I'm in love.

Now, is there a shirt I can buy that has the universal "no" slash through "BAM" anywhere? Or perhaps, just a "Bam-free-Zone"? I just cannot fathom for the life of me how slime can be a culinary icon..

The Emeril Must Die

(Happy, Happy)

Mario and Emeril [26 Sep 2005|01:09pm]

Within the last 6 months, I was watching a Mario Batali episode; when the show returned from commercial break, instead of saying something like "Welcome back" he said "Welcome back, Emeril LaGasse"--the three or four guests who sit at the counter (sample the food, etc.) BURST out laughing. Mario sort of chuckled, too and then went on talking about whatever he was cooking.

Very subtle slam--good for Mario.

(Happy, Happy)

Audience [26 Sep 2005|12:14am]

I want to know where he recruits the losers that compose his studio audience. From time to time, the cameraman zooms in on some starry-eyed idiot, who appears to be awestruck as Emeril throws powdered sugar around on the set. There's something very sad and sick about a cook/chef who needs a cheering section and band, in order to prepare food.

When he quips, "I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT MY FLOUR DOESN'T COME SEASONED" for the 8,247,691th time, his groupies applaud wildly, laughing hysterically--I seriously feel like I could vomit. Or better yet when he bellows "IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE"--no shit! If it was, he'd sure be SOL.

How bout kickin it DOWN a notch, Emeril?--you're not a rock star, you're not even good looking and you're fat....so your ego is completely out of whack with your talent--or lack therof.

([1] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

[06 Sep 2005|07:13pm]

SO I'm at Border's, and somebody mistakens me for an employee. Which often happens, they ask for where the cooking section is. And though I don;t work there I happily bring them to the section and ask if they need help locating anything.

Only to have my good deed go to waste as they mention..."We're looking for Emeril books and you know all that good stuff.."

I immediately sneer, answer with a frown that "I do not know where Emeril is, nor would I ever want to and that they could have a good night.."

I left and covered said anger in pumpkin cheesecake.

On a lighter note. Alton's Biscuit Battle is on, it's oen of his earlier episodes, and he looks absolutely adorable, is even more charming and has his REAL life Grandma on the show. Swoon!

([14] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

[05 Sep 2005|01:05am]

Hey! Just joined, I'd be Tarran, the rather eccentric future wife of Alton Brown! And future assassin of Emeril Lagasse, that is when my dad lets me in on his Irish mafia secrets.

Until then I just have to settle for surrounding his products with "Jerk Sauce" and vandalizing his standees in super markets, and boycotting the salt-addicted, lip-licking, freak bastard.

But yea! Super excited to find fellow Emeril-Nay-Sayers, can't wait to start getting involved here!

([1] bammed the man | Happy, Happy)

emeril is pooooop [03 Sep 2005|10:26am]

[ mood | tappy. i just woke up ]

haha.. i just read the most recent post about the clapping and garlic...

they clap because they're too afraid to use garlic? lol

idk thats insanity.

but i prefer alton brown. he's funnier and cooks real world wise. like he goes to the hardware store to find inexpensive cooking methods...wheee!!

but yarg. emeril sucks. and i dont like him because the only reason he says bam! is because back in the day when he wasnt cool and they were recording at like 3 in the morning he did it to wake those recording punks up because they weren't interested enough in his mediocre garlic infested cooking. i think he's afraid of vampires. he kinda looks like one..

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]